this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
