Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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