Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
