I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
