I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
send nudes
from the living room?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
