its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
