who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
