new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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