Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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