my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
