I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
