thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
