watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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