I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
