i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
