Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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