It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize