I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
pop tarts are not kleenex
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
