I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
