If i come over, it means nothing
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your penis caused this!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
