im six kinds of drunk right now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
