Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
