wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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