I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
