i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
