she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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