Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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