Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
