We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
