i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
