he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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