the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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