um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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