she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We talked him into tasing himself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
