I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
