He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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