apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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