Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
