I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
