my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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