Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
