"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize