glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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