So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
