I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
