***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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