In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
