i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
