i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
