Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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