I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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