She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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