I've blown a few things in my day
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
