people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
