***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
