I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
