Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
