I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize