shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
