you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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