how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No subtext here. People are naked.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
