just come out here and I will go home with you...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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