**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize