you would pick up someone in the library
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
