Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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