so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
