Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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