I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
