whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
