Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I checked into jail on foursquare
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
